Progress

 As an enneagram 1 who struggles with an inner critic always telling me that I'm not a good enough *fill in the blank* and I should be better, it's hard for me to feel good about myself sometimes.  But when I look back at the past 3 months, I am so encouraged and proud of the progress I have made.  This isn't to toot my own horn but I thought I would share a little bit of my journey so maybe others can be encouraged by it too.  

Over the summer, I was noticing that I was experiencing a lot of irritability, anxiety, and sometimes anger.  At times, I felt out of control and helpless to stop my emotions.  Unfortunately, my kids took the brunt of it and I was left feeling guilt and shame for screaming at them. Again. I did not feel like myself so I reached out to a counselor. Shortly after, I called my midwife and was told that in addition to the general stress from the pandemic, I likely struggle with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). 

Through the encouragement of my counselor, I reached out to a woman in my neighborhood who owns her own fitness business and signed up for her exercise classes.  I started exercising 4 days a week - something I have never done consistently in my entire life. I started taking supplements consistently and tried to watch my diet a little more closely.  I turned off my Facebook account for awhile and removed my news apps and I'm trying as much as I can to get outside at least a little bit every day.  I started creating new routines at home with my kids to provide more consistency and habits. I started BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and have been reading the Bible and praying more. 

As I have added these things, I am becoming more aware of things that affect my mood and I'm trying to adjust as needed.  I am finding that it takes A LOT of work and intentionality.  For me, it's a balancing act between all the things I mentioned above.  I'm certainly not perfect at getting them all in every day but I notice such a big difference when I pay attention to them.  

I just had my last session with my counselor (for now at least) and as I look back, I see how God has provided through it all.  He has put all these different people in my life, particularly my counselor and fitness coach who have been a huge source of encouragement and accountability for me.  I am just so grateful for the growth that I have seen in myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I've lost almost 5 lbs, I have more energy and feel more connected with my kids.  I'm feeling more alignment to God's truth and have more joy. 

All that to say, I still have bad days.  I still yell at my kids. I still don't get as much sleep as I should.  I still dread getting up at 5am to work out. I still get caught up in the political divisiveness and forget to center myself on Jesus.  But again, I am so grateful for the progress and the ways God is working in all these different areas of my life.