Sharing Stories {Part Two}

A few weeks ago in our Bible study, we talked about how before the Israelites entered the Promised Land, Moses recounted their story: their journey from Egypt, through the 40 years in the desert to being at the edge of the land God had promised them.  Not only did he remind them of their rebellion and sin against God, but he reminded them of God's faithfulness, mercy and grace to them.  It was an opportune time for the Israelites to look back at their story to see how God was with them and had carried them through.

This reminded me how important it is to look back on the story that God has given us.  Each one of us can look at the road map of the past and see the twists, the turns, the smooth rides, and the times where we were a little lost.  This landscape has shaped us to who we are and looking back at it shows us how we have grown through the experiences and how God was with us.   Not only is it important to look back, it's also important to record our story and share it with others so others can be encouraged by God's provision and grace.

In response to this, I looked back at all of my blog posts so far about our story and journey of infertility.  Interestingly enough, my first post was about sharing stories!

When I wrote that 8 months ago, I was just coming out of a dark hole of loneliness and isolation.  Early on in our journey, we didn't really share with very many people what we were going through which left me feeling like I was the only one.  Infertility and other pregnancy related issues can be extremely isolating. Before I wrote my first post, I searched Christian blogs on infertility, grasping for some comfort.  I remember pouring over them, crying and saying to myself, "Yes! That's how I feel too!"  It was a bit liberating knowing I wasn't crazy and someone else had the same feelings I was experiencing.

I wouldn't have experienced that comfort if those women hadn't shared their story. Their vulnerability became my hope.   It can be very scary to share our stories and struggles.  Being vulnerable means taking a risk but through looking back at our story, God has taught me that vulnerability can also be a blessing.

Like I mentioned before, we didn't tell very many people at all about our infertility until about 8 months ago.  It was hard to tell people at first, being uncertain of what the reactions would be.  Over time, it became easier and not only did I find overwhelming support and love from those we told but it seemed that women and couples struggling with infertility started coming out of the woodwork! After asking my BSF group for prayer for our infertility, FIVE women came up to me and shared they had struggled with it as well.

The opposite has been true as well.  I recently stumbled across a blog of an acquaintance from my past.  Her and her husband are currently struggling with a pregnancy related issue and her writing and honesty touched my heart.  Her vulnerability in sharing her struggles, her questions, her faith and her pain resonated so strongly with me and I felt called to reach out to her to let her know she was not alone.  In doing so, we were both touched by each other's stories and we both received another boost of  prayer and encouragement to keep moving us forward.

Sharing with others and having others share with me as been a huge encouragement and it's been in part one of the reasons that has kept me going. With every woman who says "me too,"  I take another step away from loneliness and isolation and a step into hope and community.  But that hope only came from being vulnerable.  My vulnerability in telling others what I'm struggling with opened the door for others to share what they are experiencing or have experienced and vice versa.

That being said, I'm taking another step of vulnerability and sharing with more people about our struggle with infertility.  I wish to share my story with more people to encourage others to share theirs - even if it's not related to infertility. We all have a story to share and each of our stories can somehow be connected with another story. Through sharing we not only learn to encourage one another and walk through these trials of life TOGETHER, but we also learn about GOD'S STORY - his grace, faithfulness and mercy through it all.  

I also pray that through sharing with more people, God will use my story to encourage someone else, just like God has used others to encourage me.  To whoever is reading this, I pray that whatever you are going through, pregnancy related or not, you will find comfort in community and blessing through vulnerability.  Know that you are not alone...you never were....God has been with you all along.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  - Romans 15:13 

Barren

It's easier to write on the good days.  On the not so good days, my mind is a little more fuzzy and the words don't come so easily.  I've been surprised over the last few weeks how quickly the days (or hours) can go from good to bad.  Easter is a time for celebration.  Not only celebrating what Jesus did for us and His amazing grace and love for us but celebrating the hope of eternity.  How comforting it is to know that our pain is temporary and there will be a day where we will live without pain and heartache FOREVER.   I went to bed last night thanking God for that hope but this morning I was reminded that the pain and heartache is still here.  Although God is always with me to get me through it, the sadness hasn't been taken away yet. 

Until recently, I never thought much of the term "barren" when referring to infertility.  We don't really use that term much any more but the Bible often refers to women as being barren.  What an appropriate word to use.  Being infertile feels barren.  Empty.  Deserted. Lifeless.  Incapable of producing life. A wasteland. 

I'm tired.  Tired of waiting.  Tired of the tears.  Tired of negative pregnancy tests. Tired of broken hope.  Tired of telling my husband he's not a dad this month. I'm so tired. Will it ever end?

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

It's on these days that God reminds me I'm not alone. He is with me.  It's on these days where all I can do is allow Him to carry me through it. It's on these days where He draws me closer and urges me to keep my trust in Him.

So even though the pain is not gone and God has not taken away the thorn in my flesh, He promises to me as He did to the Apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I will continue to cling to the hope that this pain is temporary and I will look forward to the day when Christ will make all things new.

Even on the hard days, I still serve a risen Savior.