For This Child I Prayed

For This Child I Prayed. 

This plaque sits on the wall directly across from the rocking chair in Eli's room.  Whether I'm rocking him to sleep, feeding him in the middle of the night or reading him a story, I look at it often and each time I do, I say a little prayer of thanks to God.  It's a constant reminder of the miracle He has given to us. 

This week I am especially reminded of this.  This past weekend Dave, Eli and I spent a night at Interlochen State Park where Dave's parents were camping, the same weekend that we spent camping there last year.  I remember that weekend quite vividly as it was the weekend before I found out I was pregnant.  

About this time last year, Dave and I had taken a break from fertility treatments.  I was burned out, didn't have any fight left in me and just needed the summer to clear my mind from ovulation tests, fertility drugs and negative pregnancy tests. That weekend while we were camping, I kept waiting for that monthly cycle to come around as I knew it would. 

Day after day, I kept waiting. As each day passed, I would get my hopes up then quickly suppress them as I knew better than to set myself up for disappointment.  I specifically remember walking to the bathhouse with Dave, feeling the cramps, and feeling frustrated, wishing it would just come already so my mind would stop playing games with me.   

By Sunday there was still no sign.  I was late but refused to take a pregnancy test.  I just knew it would be negative and couldn't handle another disappointment. 

By Tuesday night I was going crazy.  I asked God to spare me from the all the wondering and if my period was going to come, to just get it over and done with.  I decided that I would take a pregnancy test the next morning.  Even if it was negative, I just had to know. My heart couldn't take it anymore. 

Wednesday morning I woke up before Dave and took a test.  Unlike the previous 22 months, I couldn't watch it and wanted to wait until the time was up before looking at it. But out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw 2 blue lines.  Before really looking, I got Dave out of bed so he could look with me. There were 2 lines.  Clear as day. No question.  We both sat on the bathroom floor trembling, hugging each other and I started to cry.  It was so surreal.  We immediately prayed and thanked God for blessing us with this gift.  

So this weekend as I was walking back from that same bathhouse, on that same path I walked a year ago, I was filled with emotion as all the memories and feelings flooded back to me. The waiting. The tears. The hopes and disappointments. 

And as I walked to our campsite, tears in my eyes thinking how Eli is here with us now, again I was reminded. 

For This Child I Prayed.  For This Child We Prayed.  

I thanked God for answering our prayer, so humbled and grateful for what He has given us. 

I'll always remember that little path and how God can bring beauty from the ashes. Interlochen will always have a special place in my heart as it marked the end of our infertility journey and the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.  

And I will continue to remind myself through the sweet and hard moments that For This Child I Prayed. <3    I love you, Eli.