Learning to be loved

I've been reading blogs of people very dear to me recently and they've inspired me to resurrect my own blog.  I can't compete with their writing skills but I can try ;) 

God revealed something to me the other day. It was simple yet profound and I'm still working on carving out some time to really ponder it and explore it more deeply.  

I was with my husband and thinking about his kindness, his patience, and his love.  I was thinking about how safe I feel with him and how certain I am of his love for me.  There are times when I don't understand why he loves me the way he does, how he can love me with all my imperfections but I never doubt that he does.  I don't try to earn his love and I don't think I need to do anything in order for him to love me.  He just does. He loves me for who I am....warts and all.  

I've often thought about how my husband's personality and demeanor is just what I need and how I probably would have struggled more in a marriage with someone who has a different personality type.  

As an ennegram one, I struggle with the question and inner voice that is constantly asking, "Am I good enough?" I strive for perfection and at my worst I believe my value is tied to how "good" I am.  Whatever that means. 

So to have a husband who is so gentle and does such a great job affirming me often, I have come to trust his love and believe that there's nothing I could do for him to love me less. 

So as I'm thinking of all this, God started to speak. 

Why is it so easy for you to trust Dave's love for you yet doubt my love for you? I love you more than Dave does so why do you think you have to earn my love? I don't love you based on what you do or don't do, I love you no matter what.  

And then I realized that maybe God was quite intentional with who he picked to be my husband.  He gave me Dave as a glimpse of His love for me. He knew I would always struggle with believing in His unconditional love, so he gave me a human example of what that looks like (however imperfect that might be)...which makes sense because one of the primary purposes of marriage is to reflect God's love to the world, right? 

So I hope to sit in that a little more. Think about Dave's love for me and then multiple that by a million to just scratch the surface on God's love for me.  It's incomprehendable but maybe little by little I'll be able to trust more and more that He loves me when I think I'm being "good" and just as much when I think I've totally screwed up.  

Just the fact that he gave me Dave is an example of how he cares for me and wants to show me the riches of his love.  And I'm so so grateful for that.